The Need to Be Always Right...

I really had a great time yesterday meeting up friends, talking about the “good ole days” and on a sombre mood, we talked about the recent loss of a dear friend (May Allah bless his soul). We talked till it’s time to send a dear friend to take his night bus back.

On the subject of talking, everyone hates a know-it-all. No one likes to hear, “I told you so” or imposing opinions from self-elected moral preachers...(the names that cannot be mentioned). We all like to do the talking and get some attention. Hey, look at me, see how smart or witty I am! When we disagree or express a personal opinion, we love to be right. In order to be right we think that we must make the other person wrong. We might use logic, raise our voice, or change our tone. After all we are so sure…

I meet people like this all the time. In fact, I’m tested with this dynamic every day, in face-to-face interactions, in phone conversations, in emails and in blogs. In FB status and comments, you get postings from these “keyboard warriors” regularly. Perhaps we're not aware of it at the time, but the majority of us seem consistently feel the need to be right; not only to be right, but to prove the other person wrong.

“….there's nothing wrong to speak up... some do it by 'hentam-ing' the keyboard... but b4 we do it, ask ourselves whether it will bring about change...as wishful thinking is a waste of time! But one thing for sure...everything is in the state of flux, including the status quo...” (a quote from a dear friend)

Who’s the culprit here…I think it’s our ego talking. It wants to feel strong and secure. So, whenever I have the sense that I may be wrong, it reacts by making me feel angry and afraid. The problem in this dynamic is that someone always has to lose….that's why it always leads to interpersonal interactions that foster mistrust, conflict and resentment…turning grownups in BIG SULKS

Where does this egoistic need to be right come from? The need to bully other people into submission either physically or verbally. Is it from our ancestors or nenek moyang warrior days where everything is settled by the sword or keris? Or perhaps, it is insecurity or a lack of self-esteem.

What actually did I gain in trying to correct people? Other than a stupid gotcha point, glory for me, personally and for my "supporters"....nothing…zilch. To the contrary, I lost respect, a little less affinity and worse still, I gained some animosity. I may even put my relationship on the line with the persons I “corrected”. Good relationships are not about being right, are they? They are not about winning, prevailing, and defeating. So what if I like a different colour?. So what if someone thinks they are first. They're both things of such inconsequence.

It is because we live in a world of two opposing sides,…the good against the bad. A world that always demands debate, a world of "either/or". In this world of battling egos, it's all about being separate and independent, me versus you…. I win and you lose.


The challenge is how to live in a way that transcends the personal and focuses on commonness. In the world of commonness, it's about "you and me" and win-win, a world of "both/and. It's about perspective, a world that acknowledges differences between us.

My mentor put the point through in a very simple but profound way. He asked 2 persons to stand, one person in-front facing him while the other was asked to stand on his right, He took out his credit card and held it up like a football referee holding his yellow card. He asked each of them, "How wide is the card from where you are standing?". The person in front answered 5cm while the person to his right answered 1mm.

So what's the moral of the story? Yes, you guessed it, both of them are right as they are looking at the same card but from a different point of view. Similarly we may look at the same things differently from our own viewpoint. Both are right, so do we have to argue and fight over who's right?

Every day I keep reminding myself that the “truth” is fluid. What was right before may be wrong today or tomorrow What was wrong before may be right today or tomorrow and I must learn to keep my emotional opinions limited to my own self; otherwise I might be at risk of preaching and venting. I must lower the volume on that nagging self-critical voice inside my head which triggers me to criticise others in order to feel better about myself. When I express myself honestly and openly, I let go of the need to be right. I’m more likely to listen and to learn from others instead of speaking all the time to make myself heard.

What counts are the dignity, the respect, and the validation amongst family, friends and the people I meet. These are so much more important than being right all the time.

Hang on…WTF...Who does this stooopid guy thinks he is, telling me……

(sigh)…Maybe someday, I will finally learn.

Take one more step

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. Winston Churchill

When we meet obstacles along the way, there always the tendency to for us to quit. We may think that it’s too difficult to move on and it's to much of a burden to carry on. We may think that our dream is impossible to achieve and we settle for less. But this is the point where we can see the difference between winners and losers. Though both of them face the same difficulties, there is one thing that makes the winners different: the courage to continue.

In difficult situations, I just want to focus on taking one more step forward. I don't even think about how to complete the race. I try not to think about how many more obstacles are waiting for me. I keep telling myself to just focus on taking the next step and reminding myself, it's not how we run the race that counts but whether we cross the finish line and everyone that does is a winner.

I'm also in awe of two people I've come to admire and respect, one a 78 year old man full of life and zest. We were together on a 4D3N fishing trip recently. I admire his courage and his physical strength to last the whole trip. He told me that he's going to continue to fish until his 80 years old and then take the next step. 

Another person I met just turned 60 years old. He climbs mountains every Sunday, trekking 5 to 6 hours everytime. Last week, it was Gunung Kutu, this weekend it's Bukit Belachan. The next two weekends climb will be Bukit Broga and Gunung Angsi. He wants to be the oldest person to climb Gunung Tahan when his 70 years old.

It reminds me of one of my earlier post, Are you a carrot, an egg or coffee?... about how we react towards adversity. Everyone of us face some kind of adversity in the journey of life before we face our Creator. Adversity and challenges are what makes life journey memorable. It's God's reminder to us about our weaknesses, about conquering our pride and about having faith in His Greatness.

So what's my excuse...have a great weekend guys

Letting go of the past

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Someone asked me recently how I manage to cope with all the challenges I'm facing. I answered, "I've accepted it and moved on and I leave my fate to God".

Too err is human, seems like a cliché but who doesn't make mistakes. I know I have my fair share of mistakes and bad misjudgements in the past. I've most certainly have disappointed and hurt some people including people dear to me with what I did.  It’s already in the past, it's over and done with and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Believe it or not, one of the best demotivators is your past. Our past can drag us down before we even realise it. Our past can be a burden on our shoulders that for some of us, it could be too heavy a burden to carry.  The good news is it’s a burden we don’t have to carry. Take it off your shoulder and leave it behind.

I remember reading somewhere about a man who was late to work. He sped through a traffic light and ran over a mother and her baby. Both mother and child were killed but the driver survived unharmed. Feeling guilty, the man became an alcoholic and a drug user and his life started spiralling out of control as his guilt was so painful. It took him almost 30 years but one day he realised that what was done was done and there was no way to change it. By destroying his life as well he was effectively ruining three lives.

By living in this past moment you are preventing yourself from actually fixing what you did wrong. You can never go back in time and you can never erase what happened. "Life has no rewind button", I love this catch line of an ad I heard on the radio while driving my other half to work in the mornings.

Every new day presents you with the opportunity to start again. No matter how bad your past might be, you still have a bright future ahead waiting for you. Just don’t let the burden of the past stop you.

Waiting for the silver lining

The enemy of a great life is a good life

Ever heard of the saying "the enemy of a great life is a good life".

I don't know about you but when things are good and life been treating me well, I do tend to get complacent...I sort of lose my competitive edge, I lose my hunger. That’s why good is the enemy of great. It’s because it lulls us, softens us and seduces us into thinking that we don’t really need to try. You’re not that bad, so why bother?

"Every day, people settle for less than they deserve....but everyone has the potential for greatness" ~ Bo Bennet

Everyone is capable of doing good work...but great work takes initiative, creativity, passion and courage. That sounds like a lot of effort when there’s no burning need to change. Sometimes we even allow mediocre work as acceptable, we settle for less and we lower our standards...but still we keep asking ourselves why our status quo remains stagnant. 

Have you heard this before? If you keep doing the same thing you will get the same result. So very very true: if you keep on doing the same things, taking the same action and thinking the same thoughts, guess what you’re going to get? The same results that you’ve been getting!

In stark contrast to the egoistic personalities that have come to dominate modern organisation culture, great organisation are run by visionary leaders that embrace change and promotes creativity. This a great ad by Apple Computers from their "Think Different" ad series. I like this...

Changing into a Changeling

Right or Wrong

It's been a year now since my first blog posting on April Fools Day last year. This will be my 35th posting and I am surprised that I have continued to write about whats in my head minus a couple of hiccups along the way. However, one thing for sure is that nothing much have changed. In fact, I think in some areas, things seems to be sliding backwards. Some people and some things never change.

Don't you think it's funny how some people like to impose their perspective on others? Have you had any encounters with people like that? I certainly have....

Well, I find it more amazing when some people self-elect themselves to be the conscience of a Group,  Community or the World for that matter. They would freely comment on the moral rightness or wrongness of one’s actions and freely give unsolicited advice from their personal perspective. Worse still they can even get physical, "flexing" their might to justify their righteousness. Worser still is when they use others unknowingly to promote their views or agendas.

Perhaps they deliberately behave in such a way so as to attract attention i.e. an "attention seeker"...which probably explains why they do it...to polish their big inflated egos.

Now where did I put my polish

Test of Faith...

Is it only me or do you notice how 2011 is passing by at break neck speed? It's nearly the end of March and soon we'll be welcoming April. It has been a challenging 2011 so far and for some of us...some challenges are beyond our control.

Our hearts goes to the people in the Middle East where people power are up against the people in power. We also feel for the victims in New Zealand and Japan for the devastation brought about by the earthquakes and tsunami.

 I've often reminded myself to focus on the big picture and on things within my circle of influence and not be too concerned about things beyond my control.

However, for some of us the challenges faced can be real and uncertain...and it's difficult not to get emotionally involved. Our solace must be in God as only He knows best. It's a test of our faith. No matter how cruel the world seems to be when everything seems to be going against us, we must continue to have faith in what we cannot see. Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and God willing, we will receive the impossible...

When your life and  future are at stake it makes other issues seems petty and trivial. The realisation can be profound for some, you will understand and comprehend why people fight for their rights...why it is so important that people are willing to fight for...be it freedom to live, free from oppression, to practise religion, to overcome tragedies...or merely to survive and exist.

No matter what...We must be strong...We must....for the future ahead is uncertain. Our spirits and hopes must be held high...

Spiritually hoping

What the ****!!! Are you *****!!!!

"A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.”

Often it's an unintentional remark or action, sometimes it's sarcasm or busted egos but often it resulted in unnecessary confrontations. It's like being sucked into a one way tunnel and there's no turning back. In some circumstances friends with "good" intentions and peer pressure further add fuel the fire. It's normal for us to impose our views on others however we must understand that our perceptions may not be necessarily shared by others. That's when confrontations happen...feelings get hurt or offended, regrettable words said and relationships strained. Remember my honeydew post. Sometimes what we say or do can mean different things to others.

Have you noticed how some drivers act differently when they are driving. Inside the security cocoon of their cars they feel invincible but their actions often does not reflect their true personality. So when they meet slow drivers, queue jumpers, tailgaters, squeezers, last minute lane changers etc. etc...guess what happens? Regrettably, I've been guilty of the occasional hand gestures and #@*&#*#! remarks too.

If you consider how hard it is to change yourself then you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others. We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses. I find it takes a lot less of my energy nowadays to just let go and let it be. It's such a relief to not feel that I have to fix others, very freeing indeed.

This is a short story that I've read about how you choose your response to a situation. I think the moral applies in any given situation among family, friends, at work and society in general.

Once there was a horse tied up on the side of the street.  Whenever someone tried to pass, the horse would kick them.  Soon a crowd gathered around the horse until a wise man was seen coming close.  The people said "This horse will surely kill anyone who tries to pass.  What are we going to do?"  The wise man looked at the horse, turned and walked down another street.

Never let hate in your heart consume you. In life you will meet people who will make you angry and mad, people who test your tolerance limits, people who are rude and disrespect you and people who abuse you. Let GOD deal with the things they do..

I end the post with this lovely quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson about success.

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

....Have a Great Weekend & Drive Carefully

What did I do this time?

Sometimes I've wondered why I decided to do the things I did in life. If you were to ask me, I'm sure I'll give you sensible sounding reasons to explain and possibly justify my decisions. I would want you to believe that I've exercised sound judgement, especially in making the important decisions...the choices and actions I've taken in life.

So what do you think? I think the normal way is for us to do what feels right to do at the  particular point in time...and then to justify them with reasons that sounds logical for what you were already going to do anyway, whether you had justifications or not. That's a mouthful but I think you know what I mean...

So, if you want to get married (or marry again)...you'll probably give any number of reasonable sounding explanations why this is the right decision. you will explain how even though you will have some extra difficulties due to the lack of money or whatever, you will certainly be up to the challenge to make it work, or you want to have children, or how being a parent will be good for you and what a great parent you'll make, or that you're getting older and  probably it's time to settle down and so on. But if instead you don't want to, you probably say that you don't have enough money or you need to finish your education or get to a better point in your career, or you're not ready to be a parent, etc. etc. etc. In either case, none of these will be the real reason for your decision. The real reason for your decision will always be, "I did it because I wanted to do it".

And when I look back at the decisions I've made, the ridiculous behaviour and the actions I've taken, some good and some stupid... I'll have to consider it to be the inevitable result of the nature of the human psyche of doing what I wanted to do. With hindsight some of the decisions I've taken does seem illogical and typically human. And similarly I guess with decisions others make as well. Just look at how people behave in society, politics and religion and you'll know what I mean. I'm sure you  too have had your own personal experience yourself.

"The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity." - Voltaire

...to my share of idiotic and stupid decisions. Thanks for the lessons in life...

"Honey Dew"

Hi guys, it's been some time since I last wrote on the blog....time sure flies and  I didn't notice it till someone sent me an email saying they missed my blog. Reasons? Don't have any though, excuses maybe. I can blame it on the World Cup (my pick Brazil) or being busy with tax computations before the end June dateline or busy running errands for my eldest daughter admission to Uni or maybe it's just lack of inspiration, a case of writers block, whatever. 

Been catching up on things and read some stuff on the news and the Net. Some amusing, some appalling, some inspiring and some disappointing. Sometimes we do look at the same things rather differently, guess that's what makes us unique in every single way. I do notice that for some issues, our tolerance limits have decreased to the point that we jump at our own shadows. When things go wrong we blame others instead of ourselves even when we know we are the one responsible. Sometimes the truth is right in-front of us but we fail to see it and when we get reminders of the "real" issues we become defensive. Do we have a communication issue here?

Maybe we need to learn how to communicate again...in our fast paced lives we forget the basic values of family and friendship. Communicating might seem simple and straightforward but we all know it's not. I have my own problems talking to my other half, she always say I never listen to what she says...I have problems talking to my three daughters, at times I feel they just don't understand me. 

Let me relate to you a true story about an incident I had earlier in my working life (still single then)  after coming back from my studies. We were out having lunch and  stopped by a stall for some fruits. She asked me, "What do I want?" I answered "Honeydew"...guess what? Her face blushed redder than a tomato embarrassed by my answer. I asked her "What happened?" and she said "Be serious, what do you want?". I looked at her trying to figure out which part of  "Honeydew "she didn't understand and pointed to the fruit in the display. Immediately she burst out laughing and said, "I thought you said, I need you". Imagine, one single word can bring about a totally different meaning. So guys be careful next time you say honeydew....

 

"Honeydew": use with extreme caution

What's the Prize?

It's a Sunday again. In the last few days, I met some friends that I've not met in over 30 years. These are friends that I went to boarding school with, the one's that I grew up together with. We laugh, we play and  of course we fight. If you look at the major conflicts in the world, you'll notice that people fight for causes where the prize and cost are significant and life changing...some fight for freedom, some fight against oppression, some fight for their religion, some fight against prejudice and some fight for a better life. The struggle in these conflicts reflects mankind's determination, courage, perseverance and the depth of human spirit.

Unfortunately, from when we are young as we continue to live life on a daily basis with one another, conflicts arose constantly when personal ideas and beliefs crosses due to our different values of what is right, wrong, good and bad. When I look at the reasons why my children fight, most of the times it's laughable, childish but valuable lessons they must learn in the process of growing up. I remember watching a series on TV a long time ago called "The Three Stooges" about 3 grown men constantly at each other’s throat. Some people never grow up, I guess. 

What's our reason and what are we fighting for? What are the "Prize" and the "Cost"?

 

...still fighting with my gals over ASTRO

Monkey see..monkey do...are you sure?

 

I heard this story about a hat seller some time back. There was this man who peddles hats for a living. He would go from one town to another selling his hats. One day, feeling tired after peddling his hats the whole morning, he stop under a tree to rest. He placed his hats beside him and decided to catch a nap. 

Above him in the tress, 3 monkeys were watching him fascinated by the colourful hats. As the man dozed off, the 3 monkeys came down and each took 1 hat and climbed back up the tree. The monkeys started to play with the hats, making a ruckus with their new found toys.Eventually each wore their "stolen" hat and starting screaming at each other as if saying to one another.."My hat is better than yours".

The noise woke up the hat peddler. Looking up he saw 3 monkeys on a branch wearing his hats. He threw stones, twigs, shouted but try as he did the monkeys just looked at him. Frustrated, he threw the hat he was wearing to the ground and guess what?....the 3 monkeys threw the hats they're wearing to the ground as well.

To cut the story short...Generations passed..., a young man peddling hats just like his grandfather, sat under a tree to take a nap. The same thing happened, 3 monkeys stole his hats...awakened by the noise the young man saw 3 monkeys on a branch up the tree. He remembered what his grandfather told him about the 3 monkeys that stole his hats long time ago. He then threw his hat to the ground but guess what?.....nothing happened! The 3 monkeys were still wearing his hats.

Moral
1. Monkeys have grandfathers too
2. Even monkeys can learn and apply what they learn
3. Don't sleep under a tree full of monkeys

Just monkeying around

Speak up...I can't hear you

Some people speak up when they have something to say...some speak up just to say something...

Some with substance; some full of hot air...
Some with reasoning; some are petty...
Some are candid; some are childish...
Some are polite; some are rude...
Some are sincere; some are outspoken...
Some are straightforward; Some are dramatic...
Some are diplomatic; some are hypocritical...
Some are honest; Some are cunning...
Some are frank; Some are sarcastic...
Some raise issues; some gets personal...
Some are humble; some are disrespectful...
Some are neutral; some are demanding...

 "To criticise is easy. Any fools can do...and indeed many fools do".

Dale Carnegie

 ...a fellow fool

I'm guilty

I'm guilty. Sometimes I confuse believing in something with actually doing it. I fail to recognise how often I'm not acting consistent to my beliefs. A lot of the things I believe in are common sense really but common sense is seldom common practice. Even a 10 year old knows what common courtesy is but yet even grown-ups fail to live up to it. You know what I mean if you have watched a live parliamentary debate.

A lot of things that look common sense on the surface are often profound depth within. When I'm only looking just at the surface levels, I often miss the deeper levels and their meanings..."the big picture". I only see what I'm prepared to see. I've been petty, I've been trivial...

Yes...I'm guilty

I'm might be crazy but you're stupid!

This is a gem of a story told by a good friend, a rubber tapper's son who went on to become a self made millionaire. I remember the gist of it so I'm relating my version with some additions for dramatic effect...

It's story about a man who's successful and think very highly of himself. One day he was on an outstation business meeting to Perak. He drove his fancy car (BMW X1) to the meeting and decided to take the old road back home. His thoughts wandered to the events of the day, he felt he did a great presentation on his proposed project venture and he's confident of it's commercial viability. He quietly told himself " You're the man, smart, cool and successful. Life is good" .

As fate has it, he heard a strange sound coming from the front of the car. He decided to stop by the roadside and as he got out of the car he noticed a signboard that said "Hospital Bahagia, Ulu Kinta". on the fence that surrounded a row of buildings. Laughing to himself, he joked " Of all places, he had to stopped beside an asylum for lunatics"

True enough, his right front tyre was punctured. As it was getting dark soon, he decided to quickly changed the punctured tyre with the spare. Taking out the spare tyre from the bonnet, he proceeded to unscrew the bolts on the wheels. He carefully placed the bolts on top of the spare tyre beside him, mindful of the drainage grating covering the big drain beside him. He then placed down his punctured tyre and picked up the spare and "oops" four of the five bolts dropped "plopped" into the drain grating...and out of sight. He tried to lift up the grating but up to no avail, it was bolted down and welded. (Probably to prevent the rampant theft of iron products prevalent nowadays). There's no way he can retrieve the bolts.  While all of this is happening, a young man in an orange uniform was observing him from inside the fence.

Night time is drawing near, he took out  his trusty phone...no phone coverage. He cursed his bad luck f@#%&*k s@"?**#, How can a great day turned out to be a nightmare?. He thought of his options, either, he spend the night in the car or get help from any passing cars that might stop. Suddenly, he realised that he was been watched and looked behind him. He noticed the young man in the orange uniform and said quietly " great, a lunatic", smiling sarcastically. The young man asked "Uncle buat apa, tayar pancit ke?". "Nothing" he snapped back and sat down on the ground and sighed "How can I get a tow truck"?."Maybe I can asked this lunatic to get someone sane from inside to help me" Politely as he can managed, he said " Kamu tak faham tapi bole tolong panggil orang tak? The reply from the young man was unexpected and it sliced down to the very deep core of his soul....

Speaking in perfect English, the young man said "Uncle, why don't you opened one bolt from each of the three remaining wheels and use them to bolt down your spare tyre. That way you can drive slowly to the nearest workshop and replace the missing bolts".

"Uncle, I might be crazy but I'm not stupid like you"

Moral

• Life lessons may come from unexpected people, time and place.
• The wisest mind has something yet to learn.
• Much learning does not teach understanding.
• Crazy people aren't always stupid.
• There's always someone smarter than you.
• Don't ever place bolts near a drain cover.

Have a great week guys and gals.

The art of criticism

It's a Sunday...time for some serious stuff.

Nowadays everyone is a born critic. Even my 3 daughters wants to have their say. Everything and everyone, equally is prone to criticism from time to time. Whether its constructive or not, how you react to it is more important and telling of your character than the criticism itself. Do take a moment to digest and comprehend what you are hearing or reading before jumping to conclusions or you could make a critical mistake in interpretation. The key here is to accept criticism with grace and humility.

 

Part of being human is the giving and taking of feedback. Every one needs feedback even leaders. If you criticise expect to be criticised. If you constantly take criticism, disagreements and even lighthearted innocent jokes as personal malicious attacks eventually you won't even be able to communicate with your cat, let alone your other half without suffering a nervous breakdown or bursting in to tears. This is especially vital within any organisation be it in your family or work place or even a social network like FaceBook.

When someone gives his opinion, comment or remark about an issue, allowing yourself to let fly in their general direction is not going to look well for you. Accepting criticism gracefully means exercising full control of your temper. It means not lashing out and attacking the person giving you feedback or criticism. If you display irrational and unreceptive behavior to people and throw tantrums over minor issues, you may get noticed in the wrong negative way. Be able to separate emotions from issues. Displaying anger or irritability demonstrates a lack of maturity that will hold you back
 
Patience is a virtue for a reason. It gives your blood a chance to stop boiling, and your brain time to understand the real meaning of the message received. Honesty and the ability to self evaluate your own behaviour, character and performance are so critical in accepting criticism gracefully. Be receptive not reactive, put yourself in their shoes, ask questions for clarification. Display your willingness to understand and to be understood.
Every single human being makes mistakes. It's what you do with those mistakes that counts. We need to learn from them and to make changes or we'll get stuck on a blaming game...blaming everyone else for everything that goes wrong. Mistakes exist as teaching tools...learn from them. You only make mistakes if you don't learn from them.The moment you stop learning, you're dead.

Be cool, stop and smell the flowers and learn to smile when criticised. Take it with a bit of salt or maybe even with a slice of lemon...There's always tomorrow.

Feel free to comment...

No right answer

Some thoughts while waiting for a friend to pick me up for lunch... Excusez-moi, s'il vous plaît.

Guys, have you ever had those awkward moments when your mind goes blank and wander aimlessly...as if you're in deep thought but actually you're not. I bet that's how the quote "A penny for your thoughts" was invented. With the Penny almost worthless, I guess we need to use "A quid for your thoughts", now. The Penny...I remember those student days when I had to scavenge for enough pennies to buy some bread but that's a story for another day...

So when you're in this particular "seemed like deep thinking but thinking absolutely nothing moment"...from out of the blue, a voice (your other half) asked, "What are you thinking about?" So what do you normally answer? "Nothing", that's the truth, right because you’re in your "thinking absolutely nothing moment". It's those questions that comes next that I have trouble with. How do you handle those "No right answer questions?" the ones that doesn't seem to have the right or wrong answers. Both ways, you're DEAD...

Q1. Do you still love me?
This is easy...guys, we normally would answer, "Of course, I love you" or "Yes, I do", right?... but there's more to come. Next question...

Q2. How much do you love me?
Guys, how do you answer this? To be safe, I'd always say "Very much" and let her figure out how much. Don't try to be too clever and answer any other way. Then come Question 3...

Q3. Am I still beautiful?
This question may land some guys in hot soup. If you answer Yes", they don't believe you and if you answer "NO", you're dead meat. Next comes Question 4...one of those killer questions.

Q4. Am I fat?
By now, you're getting close to a meltdown. Try answering "Yes" and you're in dangerous territory, you won't want to go there. For me here, it's best to answer a safe and soft "NO" or the diplomatic, "You still look the same to me and I still love you no matter how you look". The final Question ....

Q5. If I die first, will you marry again?
The final question is the one that always stumped me, the one that I have the most difficulty with... How do you answer this? If you answer "NO", they don't believe you and ask "Why not" and if you answer "Yes"...God help you.

Have a nice weekend guys.(& gals) :)
You are happy not because good thing happen to you, but good thing happen to you because you are happy!

Passage of Time

There's so many things to do and there's so little time but there's always time to do what's important.

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. So don't be trapped by dogma...which is living with the results of other people's thinking. We let people's opinion drown out our own inner voice. Most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” (Steve Jobs) 

Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever...Things happen for a reason...only Allah knows best.

We are just a ship passing through the journey of life. Our life is measured by time, some about to embark and for some the journey is about to end. .....but Life is not a matter of milestones but of moments. Looking back over the years I remember the moments I spend with my late brother and my late father; doing things together. These are the moments I cherished and remembered. The moments of sadness, joy and laughter that I want to now create and share with my family and friends

So what! 40, 50, 60. It's just a number. We don't stop playing because we are old...we grow old because we stop playing. Be at peace with Allah... with your family, friends and yourself...

Still playing hard...

A Lemming's Dream to Fly

I heard this great story about lemmings when I attended a "Program for Young Leaders" organised by the Govt. of Canada in the late 90's.

Do you know what a lemming is? A lemming is a small rodent usually found in the Arctic. They generally have long soft fur and very short tails. They are herbivorous creatures feeding mostly on leaves, shoots and grass. Lemmings became notoriously famous because of unsubstantiated myths that they commit mass suicide when they migrate. Lemming suicide is a frequently used metaphor in reference to people who go along unquestioningly with popular opinion, with potentially dangerous or fatal consequences. So when one jumps over the cliff, all others will follow.

The story....It was mating season and the colony of lemmings was a hive of activities. One particular lemming, however was pensive; All day he was fascinated by an eagle soaring high up in the skies..."Why can't we fly?", he asked his fellow lemmings. All of them laughed, he was ridiculed and barraged with insults. But he has a dream...he wants to fly and soar like the eagle

He befriended the eagle and got the eagle to teach him to fly. He spend days learning and practising. All the time, the skepticism and criticism from the colony continued and nobody offered any encouragement. ignoring the other lemmings, he persisted and until finally managed to master flight and flew he did. Seeing that he can fly, all the other lemmings wanted to learn how to fly and he taught them for he wanted to share his knowledge. The colony that once ridiculed him now hailed him as a hero. Soon every lemming was flying......

Then, the time came for the colony to migrate back, it was time to go home and he was chosen to lead them. He started to walk and they all WALKED home.

Moral

• A man with a dream will never be denied.
• “Some see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not." (Robert Kennedy).
• Knowledge on its own have no value...It's not knowledge that matters but its application.
• Don't be just another LEMMING

...DREAM BIG  :)

Why?

I'm trying to understand why something very straight forward can get so complicated. Is it because people only see what they are prepared to see.

We are limited not by our abilities but by our vision. Don't limit ourselves to fewer possibilities by the narrowness of our vision. Due to cognitive bias, these limitations may lead to the "bandwagon effect", the tendency to believe things because many other people believe the same. 

 

So a group of determined people could take advantage of this tendency to promote ideas that may lead to a wrong perception of the issues at stake. Once a bandwagon gets rolling, it can be hard to undo the damage. This happens a lot in our society...

Why?....

Open your mind

Skydiving and BASE jumping... a sport for the fearless and the brave. Falling from a death-certain height and landing unscathed; thanks to the wonder called ‘the parachute' opening while in mid-air. The cost of failure is certain death.

Like the parachute, the mind works better when open. Everyday we are confronted with situations that require our mind to reason out the best option or action to adopt. Instinctively, we find ourselves resorting to fixed paradigms or perceptions for solutions. For we are after all, creatures of habit. 

With a closed mind, even simple issues becomes difficult as we become system constipated and be overcome by paranoia. Our thinking becomes emotional to the point of being irrational. We forget about the “big picture”… about what’s more important and instead get involved in the mundane and the wasteful.

Jumping without a parachute